Dear Ichigo
by Ichiruki8
Summary: Sometimes, destiny has a way of working things out, even in the form of a simple Squad 4 member, and a letter never meant to be delivered. IchiRuki.
1. Dear Ichigo

Dear Ichigo,

I'm so, so sorry I haven't visited you. Well, I have, but I haven't made my presence known regardless. There are many, many things I want to tell you, but don't and never will have the courage to say to you. It could wreck out friendship, our bond, and that's just something I can't risk. Well, not in person anyway. _She pauses, biting her lip. How to go on from this, she wonders._

I suppose I should start from the beginning, however long ago it may seem. It's hard to believe it was only 2 years ago, it seems like much more. But that might be because when I met you, I felt as though I has known you for so much longer. I felt the connection we have now before we were on a first name basis, let alone calling each other things besides "Shinigami" and "fool" though, fool is still a pretty common alias.

But, when we first met, I didn't know you at all. I thought you liked Orihime, which now I know would be a completely false assumption.

You just like to protect, a trait which is good and bad, though I'm a bit biased. Mainly because without that trait, I'd be dead right now.

I was so foolish, back then, how could you put up with me? I was willing to die that day. When you saved me, I didn't know what to think at first. Well, at first, I honestly thought you were an illusion. The thing I had been secretly, selfishly hoping to see.

But when I found out you were real, I couldn't stop my tears from flowing. The emotions were flooding me all at once. Gratitude, anger, compassion, confusion, relief, grief, and something else I won't name just yet.

I was so sure you would leave me there. I mean, after all, we barely knew each other. You had already tried to save me once, why risk your neck and try again? That's when I knew.

We would never be just friends.

Of course, we weren't in a relationship, no. But our bond went past that of friends that day, and I think you felt it to, whether you chose to acknowledge or admit it. But, I knew you realized when you didn't question my decision to stay in Soul Society.

There were so many things I could have said, but like always, I kept it short and sweet. What else would Rukia do? Anything else would have been out of character. So I spoke with my eyes, and I know you got the message.

I realize I didn't return to you after some time, and truth be told, I missed you. More than I cared to admit at the time. I missed our playful banter, your smirk, and the smile you only showed your closest friends.

I missed our other friends too, of course, but none as much as you. Like right now. But, on with the time line, I'm going slower than I'd like. I came back when the bounts showed up, yes. But I wasn't assigned.

True, I was **supposed** to be there this time, but I had to request that mission, and it took them weeks before the consented. It was worth it of course, since I got to see you again. I remember when we were in Uryuu's room in the hospital, and we were going to get water. You remember, don't you Ichigo? How we couldn't get the tap to work, and Uryuu ended up having to end the fight? Those were what I missed, our playful fights.

Though I seemed angry, on the inside I was smiling, I was happy again. Truly happy, and I hadn't been that way in a long, long time. Not since Kaien. I think now is the time you should hear the story, Ichigo, I've kept it from you long enough.

When I was younger and had first become a squad member, our lieutenant was Kaien Shiba. I looked up to him, and I loved him like a brother. Though, I admit, toward the end I had more of a crush on him then I cared to think about. He had a wife, though, and I was okay with that.

She was wonderful, perfect. Beautiful, kind, strong. I wanted to be just like her, and I strived to be so, though I must say I've come out far from it.

She died, fighting a hollow. The same hollow I fought in Hueco Mundo, when we went to save Orihime. He took over Kaien's body, and I killed him. Stabbed him through with my own sword.

Everyone called me a hero, even Kaien thanked me as he died. I was a coward. A selfish coward. I only stabbed him because I couldn't bear to see him like that, because I couldn't handle it.

I never thought of him, and I can never forget that.

That's why when Kukaku was mad at me, I did not care. Even if she had not forgiven me, it would have been alright, because I don't deserve it. Killing Aaroniero was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was like you fighting Grand Fisher, in a sense.

It was like killing Kaien all over again.

_She pauses to wipe tears from her face, taking a hitched breath before continuing, steadying her shaky hands._

Back to the main timeline, then. After we saved Uryuu, time was peaceful for a short while. I returned to Soul Society once again, and things were nice. Until the Arrancars began appearing. We met again shortly after, you were in a rut because of your failure to protect, remember? I think that might have been our best reunion.

Snapping you out of your depression brought the light back to my eyes as well. I know Orihime was jealous, and I felt so bad for her, and I still do. We have a bond you and her could never share, and nothing can change that.

She still has hope, though, and I'm glad.

Though her heart may be broken when you read this, or it might not, if she still has hope, she will get through it. And, if it's not, her hope will have paid off, and I will be overjoyed either way.

We fought the arrancars after that.

Grimmjow took a cheap shot through my stomach, and you paid him back in full. Thank you, Ichigo, for avenging me. I suppose I paid you back much later, when he was about to kill you and I stepped in and froze him solid.

In the end, though, Shinji saved us both.

The arrancars took a break from attacking at this point, and many things took place in that short amount of time.

We had to take care of Lurichiyo, and it was fun acting like a kid with her, and even more fun watching you play big brother to someone you weren't related to. You're a very sweet guy, Ichigo, even if you don't want to admit it.

I like that about you.

You also saved me from my own Zanpakuto, twice. I don't think I ever repaid you for that, either, so Thank you again. Eventually, you saved soul society once more, and the arrancars re-instated their attack.

They captured Orihime, and we went to rescue her. I still remember your spiritual pressure. You, on your way to save Orihime, stopped dead in your tracks, and I felt your spiritual pressure grow a bit closer. I now know, you were going to abandon your search to save me. So noble, and again, so sweet. That urge to protect is strong in you, Ichigo, always to the point of recklessness, and almost to the point of death in some cases.

After that, you defeated Aizen. I remember watching you go, and though I didn't show much emotion, I was so, so scared.

Again, all the emotions flooded me at once, sadness, anxiety, fear, angst, compassion, and again, an emotion I will not name just yet. I suppose being a Kuchiki is what led to me disguising those emotions so flawlessly.

Like when, again, your need to protect almost cost you your life. When you tried to save Nozomi, not only for her sake, but for Kon's, who finally found someone he loved and cared about genuinely. And, after that, is when I realized.

The emotion I could not name before, and still have yet to name. I believe I realized it when Ukitake gave me the phone call. He told me to stop you fighting, and I said "But what about Ichigo's feelings?"

I care about you, Ichigo, even to the point of recklessness.

I knew you could lose your powers for good, but…if it kept that sweet, genuine smile on your face for a moment longer, I was willing to risk it.

How foolish.

It only weighed me down more and more, as you led me to that place. Those words I will never forget, however meaningless, "I saw you looking at this place earlier, I thought you wanted to go ice skating." You're so thoughtful, Ichigo, and still so sweet. I can honestly say that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

It was fun, too, even though I almost fell more times than I care to keep track of. You were always there to hold me up, just like we hold each other up in life.

I did cry a bit, when you lay on the road, losing your powers. Ichigo, never, never were you a burden to me. Never did **I** have to put up with **you.**

If anything, you had to put up with me. At least, until we were close enough.

This ends the story, because I know after that, you couldn't see me anymore. I'm closing this with a few words, and a question. I love you, Ichigo. The emotion I could not name before is now in the open. The question being, do you love me, as more than a friend you just want to desperately protect? Even if not, that doesn't change what I owe you, and how grateful I am. Thank you, Ichigo. For everything. For a new life, happiness, and a chance to feel love again.

~Rukia Kuchiki,

Lieutenant, 13th Division.

_She took a deep breath, sighed, and crumpled up the paper she had worked so hard to write. She threw it out the window, and proceeded to catch up on her paperwork. It was overdue, after all._

_ "What's this?" Hanatarou wondered, picking up the trash he had found. He scanned the paper quickly, and after he finished he smiled wide, running to the 4__th__ division barracks. "I need to go to the World of The Living, Captain Unohana."_

_ Ichigo groaned as he entered his room, throwing his backpack on his bed and running a hand through his fiery orange hair. He scanned the room, and his eyes fell on a wrinkled piece of purple paper. "A letter?"_


	2. Dear Rukia

_As the words on the paper unfurled and circled through my mind, only one word stood out the most. The one I didn't have to read._

Ichigo paced through the room, his scowl etched on his face, brow furrowed in concentration.

He knew he wasn't meant to read that letter. He could tell, from deduction, and something inside his soul telling him.

The ribbon of fate that connected them, maybe? Just because he couldn't see her or feel her presence, didn't mean the ribbon was gone.

They were still connected.

The paper was crumpled, so much so he knew it was done on purpose. He could also tell it wasn't Rukia who delivered the letter. He couldn't prove it, but he just knew, and he had learned by now to trust his gut.

He sighed, relenting to his tired legs and sitting down in his computer chair, head in hands.

"Rukia…" he muttered, feeling angry now, but more with himself than anything. He, of course, felt the same way as the petite, violet eyed raven-haired Shinigami.

There was no question, and hadn't been since the day he realized. But…why hadn't he realized she felt the same way? He supposed he had always been a little turned away by her cold exterior.

'There's no way she could _like_ me. Hell no, I mean, she hasn't had a god damn friend in, what, over 5 years?' had been his thinking, and similar every time he caught himself thinking about them together, as more than friends, without their whole group.

He ruffled his hair as he sighed and spun around slowly, the chair creaking under his weight. Maybe he should write a letter too…

Dear Rukia,

I got your letter, and before you start blaming me, remember I can't get into Soul Society at all. Now that you've read that, I bet you're thinking, 'then how the HELL did that idiot get that letter? I didn't even mean to send it in the first place!' Well, let me tell you, I don't know either. All I know is when I came home, it's crumpled little pathetic form was on my desk, so don't ask me when you see me next either. When I can see you too, anyway. So, midget (I miss calling you that, by the way. Not the same when I can't see you standing in front of me.) I just want to let you know, as bad with feelings as I am, that I feel the same way. Kinda sucks though, cause I don't know how I'll admit it to you in real life, and you won't get this letter. Because midget, unlike you, I know how to throw something away. Kinda makes me wonder why I'm writing this in the first place- oh, right, I can't get you out of my head and it's driving me crazy, so I thought I'd do what you did to vent, since you seem to always have the best ideas. Well, I guess I've said what I needed to, so…later, Rukia.

_Even though she wouldn't read it, he knew she'd get the message._


	3. Dear You

_17 months. Not like he was counting or anything._

_17 months…she was counting, but she wouldn't admit it to anyone but herself._

When he first saw her behind him, it was like a dream. No, a flash back, he conceded. It took him back to when they first met, when she gave him the power he so desperately wanted. When she saved him. He remembered exactly what it was like…

"_You must become a Shinigami! Place the point of this Zanpakuto over your heart, and I will transfer my powers to you. I don't know if it will work, but there's no other way."_

"_Give me your sword, Shinigami."_

"_It's not 'Shinigami'. I am Kuchiki Rukia."_

She stared at him, a small smile on her face. She knew he was remembering the moment too. The moment they met, and the moment their bond was formed. She knew that there would be no better way to give his powers back, then the same way he got them. (Or at least, that's what she wanted to think. She knew there really _wasn't_ any other way, but that made it all the more perfect.) This reunion truly was the sweetest. She saddened at the thought that they wouldn't be able to talk, share words. He would be off to fight and protect again in the blink of an eye, just like he had since the day she met him. But, Ichigo wouldn't be Ichigo if he didn't , would he? She smiled as he greeted her in a most Ichigo-esque way. A simple phrase, a word, really, that made her heart flutter, simply because he said it, full of the love he could never express in a confession.

"Rukia."


End file.
